I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
