i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
