wakey wakey hands off snakey
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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