If that was your dad, he is hot
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
