Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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