bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
