she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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