I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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