you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
