I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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