Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
