i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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