is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
