Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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