my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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