peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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