Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
