Apparently you make a good broom.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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