I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
