here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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