Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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