I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
