She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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