That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
