If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
