Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
