I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
