She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
