check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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