I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ladies don't puke and tell
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
