Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize