Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
