Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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