the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
