Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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