i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
