i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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