k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
