Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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