Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
