belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
COCAINE IS GR8
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
