Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize