were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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