Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
