Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
bring money and cleavage
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
