Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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