At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
