i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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