It's like a parade of train wrecks.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
