Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
