So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
