Don't you send me to vm
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
