My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
