So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
