Too much gin, very little bucket
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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