it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
