I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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