I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
