Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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