come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize