Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
nutella sex= disaster
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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