Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize