I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
