k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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