STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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