soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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