Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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