Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize