I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
