the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
false alarm. still invincible.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
