In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I cockslap morals
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
two words: eviction party
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
