You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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