every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
